Wife to Wife Wednesday: Body Image in the Marriage Bed

Good morning! 

Welcome to Wife to Wife Wednesday, the day that we discuss any and all issues relating to marriage. 

Today is the first edition of our series on Keeping the Spark Burning in Your Marriage and I am SO excited to jump in!

As I said in my series introduction last week, sex is a super important part of marriage. It is an incredible gift that can be amazing... but it can also be devastating when it doesn't go well. One of the number one complaints that I have heard from women in our fitness ministry is that they don't want to have sex because they are uncomfortable with their bodies. 

So what do you do when your view of your body negatively impacts your desire to have sex?  

Let me start by saying that I have totally been there. I have had three (9+ pound) babies in less than 3.5 years. 

I know exactly what it is like to not want to have sex because you don't like your body. 

My first word of advice to not deny your spouse affection just because you don't like what you see in the mirror. We (as women) tend to be VERY self critical and we don't want our husbands to see the "ugly" parts. More than likely your spouse doesn't even notice the things that you don't like about your body. He just wants to be with you. Don't let your body hold you back from him,  if you think HE doesn't like it. I promise, he likes your body just fine.

Now, I know I just said that your spouse probably doesn't even notice the things that you don't like about your body , but you do. In that case, I think it is totally ok to pursue health and fitness.  Little changes one step at a time can help you to love your body more. Next week I will be talking about how to pick out lingerie without feeling gross or sketchy about it, and that can be a HUGE confidence boost for your body image. 

Here is how I pursue positive body image in the marriage bed:

1.) Meal Plan

Meal planning is the number one way I recommend to my athletes to help them get rid of unwanted body fat. The reason for that is because having a plan for healthy and nutritious food prevents you from wanting to run through the drive-thru really quickly on your way home. 80% of your body composition is built on your diet... not the gym. I have this meal planner and I really like it. It is simple and easy to follow. You can find a TON of meal planning binders, planners and organizers on Pinterest. Try one or two out and find a system that works for you and your family. Make sure that you are eating plenty of vegetables and 9 times out of 10 that will make a huge difference in body fat composition.

2.) Meal Prep
I am a huge fan of meal prepping. Once you have planned out what your meals are going to be you need to assemble the ingredients in a way that makes sense for your family. I LOVE crockpot meals, especially since we have a little baby currently. I prep these Freezable Crockpot Meals about once every three months. They are great for the days that I just don't feel like cooking. I simply cut open the bag, dump them into the crockpot and walk away. This is the crockpot that I use.  

3.) Move your body. 

It doesn't matter if you are going for a light walk around the neighborhood or if you are trying to max-out your power clean. You need to be moving your body every single day. My recommendation for most women is to get up out of your chair and move at least once an hour. If you are the mom of little, when they play you play. If your two year old squats, you squat. If they are running races, run with them. Get up and be active. Get a yoga DVD to do in your home. Invite your husband to go on a walk with you after dinner. There are entire boards on Pinterest dedicated just to fitness. Check them out and get creative. 

4.) Make a list.
Make a list of all of your best attributes. Do you have fabulous eyes? Do you always see the best in people? Does your hair curl really well? Do you always remember people's birthdays and anniversaries? Do you have a gorgeous jawline? Do you manage your finances really well? Do you keep a clean home? Are your kids super well behaved? Ask your friends for help if you need it, bur physically write out a list of the awesome things about you. I bet your husband cares a whole lot more about those things than he does about the fact that you haven't lost that last 15 pounds yet. 

Finally, let me say, you are a beautiful gift from God. Your body is unique and wonderful. In the world hat we live in today we have been fed a line that if you don't look like the images in the magazines, movies, or porn, then you aren't attractive. 

I am here to tell you that is a load of crap. Don't you dare believe it.
You are a beautiful woman of God pursuing intimacy with your husband. You have nothing to be ashamed of with your body, even if there are parts that you don't like. Do not let your body hold you back from enjoying a brilliant sex life with your husband.