Divorce parties.... to me those words do not belong in the same breath.
When I think divorce I think of:
ripping apart,
a devastating blow,
an incredible level of distrust.
What I do not think is "party".
So, imagine my surprise this week when one of my favorite news sources ran an article (view here) that talked about the incredible business being built around divorce parties. Some of these parties are pretty elaborate and over the top. The initial reaction is to say that it is only the eccentric people that do that, normal people don't have a party after their divorces. Then I got to thinking about it and I have a couple of friends from high school who got married young and had a party upon completion of their divorces later on. This happening in our neighborhoods not just on the tabloid pages.
Needless to say this topic was stuck in my mind as I had dinner with a group of girlfriends this weekend. I brought up the article and asked them what they thought. The responses astounded me.
Of the six of us at the table (all unmarried) only four of us plan to get married, and of the four of us there are only two who believe that divorce is not an option. In fact, one of the girls said, "Divorce is pretty much inevitable, that is the risk you run when you get married. You may not believe in divorce but that doesn't mean that he (your husband) agrees with you. If he decides to leave there isn't much you can do about it." I replied that as a Christian woman, I do not believe in divorce. I believe you are married to one person for the rest of your life. The oldest woman at our table replied that I believe that because of my age and that when I get older that will change. The other women at the table nodded in agreement.
Divorce is common now, so common in fact that often people don't think anything of it when they hear that "so-and-so" got divorced. I don't think that my view is "young" or "idealistic". Instead, I think we need to remember that just because it is common does not mean that it is right or that it is biblical. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly or with the notion that there is a quick and easy exit. The wounds from divorce are not something that can be healed with champagne and a piñatas.
Hi Morgan, I never heard of Divorce Parties until this post. Yes, it doesn't seem like something anyone would celebrate. I think most people still hope for a lifetime partner when they marry, and that's certainly the Christian blueprint for marriage.
ReplyDeleteIt's really sad what our society is coming to :( Even more so that the attitude prevails even in the church in a lot of cases.
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy because I just saw something the other day about a person who specialized in divorce parties. I had never heard of this before. It is truly a sad, sad thing to be celebrating the tearing apart of something sacred. Divorce is all too common today, but to be throwing parties about it seems so wrong. I'm married, and I personally have no doubt I'll be married until either my husband or myself dies.
ReplyDeleteThe point of a divorce party isn't necessarily to celebrate the end of the marriage. It is to celebrate surviving the emotional and legal battles of the divorce proceedings. Believe me, if you go through it you will feel like celebrating when it is finally over. I also agree with your friend. Christian men do walk out and don't want to reconcile. At that point it doesn't matter if you believe in divorce or not, it is happening. I think going through this made me a mich more compassionate person.
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of divorce parties either. My husband and I know several couples (with 2 kids each) that have gotten divorced. (In both these cases, however, it was the wife who left, refusing to go to counseling or attempt reconciliation. Both husbands were devastated.) I agree that marriage should never be entered into with divorce considered as a possibility down the road. Yet there are cases (abusive marriages, etc.) where divorce might be the best of a bunch of not-too-appealing options.
ReplyDeleteI think the Church has much to answer for in how marriage is viewed and exercised in our society. Statistically speaking there is not much difference in the divorce rate between Christians and non Christians...and if marriage is a picture that is supposed to represent Christ and His bride then we are doing an awful thing.
ReplyDeleteThis made me sad. Divorce wreaks havoc on children, and as someone once said, "As the family goes, so goes the nation."
ReplyDeleteParents who have a bad relationship, will wreak havoc on a child and affect every aspect of their life. My parents (specifically my mother ) didn't believe in divorce and has been with my father for over 50 years. He had been physically abusive, now it's verbal abuse, has cheated on her and they both have set a horrible example of how relationships should not be. I would rather they had divorced decades ago, rather than have to hear the constant arguing between the two.
DeleteYou are so wise. I completely agree with you. Unfortunately, my husband and I are finding that, after 16 years of marriage, more and more of those around us are getting divorced. It is as if at one point in our married life, everyone we knew was getting married, a little later everyone we knew was having babies, and now, half the couples we know are getting divorced. Christian and non-Christian alike. It's beyond sad to me. Just heartbreaking. Don't let anyone tell you that it's your age talking when you defend marriage. Hold tight to your convictions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such an important topic for our times. And for linking up with NOBH!
ReplyDeleteI can remember attending a wedding years ago of a young couple in their early twenties (none of us were Christians). As we chatted with the groom, he joked that he was really only doing this because his girlfriend had badgered him into it, and it was only a matter of time before the marriage was over. They lasted less than a year, surprise, surprise.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many attitudes that play into divorce: selfishness, a lack of understanding of the commitment it takes, irritation at having to give, resentment that finances are shared, just to name a few. Plus, it is so easy and culturally acceptable to leave. I know there are abusive situations, and I am not talking about them. But the emphasis seems to be (in cases I know) all about the spouse, and not concern about the family.
Marriage is so important, and yet we too often treat it as disposable. Good post, and stick to your guns!
Morgan: When I read your title, I must admit, I cringed. I cannot imagine these two words put together. Marriage is God's picture to us of what His relationship to us, His Church, is to be. Since we cannot be separated from God, we cannot have divorce in our vocabulary. I do not think you are being young and idealistic but rather you have a conviction. Unfortunately, far too many couple give up on their commitment and our society is reaping some terrible costs.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up with us at No Ordinary Blog Hop. Every blessing, Kelly
I was married and now I'm getting divorced after a very difficult and heartbreaking 9 months of my life. My husband said 'I feel i want children and im ready for children but Ive realised i dont want them with you'. Yes, it turns out you do really feel your heart break for those of you who dont know this feeling.
ReplyDeleteThat was what I got as his explanation of why our marriage was going badly and why he suddenly wouldnt hug or kiss me anymore. He moved out 3 months later telling me he needed a break and asked for a divorce 3 months after that. I then discovered the day before i was to leave for my grandfathers funeral that there was another woman(pictures on his desktop while i was looking for pictures of my grandfather to take to the funeral). That sent me into depression and I would have had a complete breakdown if it wasnt for my mother and a couple great friends. To me marriage is forever and not something you go into lightly so to me all of this was the worst experience of my life.
I have finally reached a stage where I am better at dealing with all of this and when it is finally all finished and the paperwork is over and name changed back, I plan to have a divorce party. Its not to celebrate that something that should have been happy and wonderful is over. Its to celebrate the beginning of another chapter in my life that I hope goes onto something better. I will now have the option to go out and find the guy that actually is right for me that I may end up marrying and spending the rest of my life with. That is the point of the divorce party in my opinion.
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