Title Tuesday: Relational Reset

Welcome to  Title Tuesday, my favorite day of the week! This day is dedicated to book suggestions, news, cartoons, and reviews. I write this portion of my blog because I am a big believer in the motivational speaker Charlie Jones' quote which says, "You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I try to meet as many new people as possible and to read everything I can. This is my way of sharing that information with you. You can see a visual summary of the books I have reviewed for both adults and children over on my Facebook page. If you are interested in understanding my rating system for books you can read my Book Review Explanation here and What I Believe here. If you want to check out what I am currently reading or what I want to read next, friend me on Goodreads!

Today I want to share with you a book by Dr. Laurel Shaler, Relational Reset. I will admit when I first signed up for the lainch team of this book I thought it was about resetting your marriage relationship. I quickly realized that Shaler tackles all relationships, not just marriage!

For example, have you ever looked up and realized that you have a difficult time with friendship? Do you have interactions with people and wonder why they are so awkward or forced? Have you ever left a conversation thinking that someone was a total jerk only to fond out later it was all just a big misunderstanding?

That is where Dr. Shaler's book comes in!

In the 12 chapters Dr. Shaler takes the reader through the process of untangling difficult interactions and figuring out what YOU can do to improve the relationship and ensure that interaction doesn't happen again. Each chapter has 3-5 questions to help you better grasp the concept and begin steps to improve your relationships. The main takeaway for me came on page 53 where Dr Shaler writes, " On one side, we work hard not to be offended, while on the other side, we work hard not to offend". Doesn't that almost perfectly sum up 90% of interactions? How different would life be if we all worked to implement that simple idea into everyday life?

Overall, I give Relational Reset a B+. It is a simple but effective tool that would be wise to have in the shed of anyone who works with people. Pastors, teachers, counselors could all have this book on hand to be able to help people process through complex emotions when dealing with other people. I would LOVE to see Dr. Shaler write an edition of this book specifically geared towards helping children establish healthy relationships.

I was given a free copy of this book for being a part of
the Relational Reset Launch Team by Moody Publishers.

Wife to Wife Wednesday: Getting Out of the Rut

Good morning! 

Welcome to Wife to Wife Wednesday, the day that we discuss any and all issues relating to marriage. As I said in my series introduction a few weeks ago, sex is a super important part of marriage. It is an incredible gift that can be amazing... but it can also be devastating when it doesn't go well. We have talked about when Body Image impacts your sex-life and where Christians can purchase lingerie without feeling skeevy. (Yes, I said skeevy, deal with it.)

Today I want to talk about something that may make a few readers uncomfortable and it is, an intimacy app for married couples. It is designed to help get married couple out of a rut in the bedroom. This app is called Ultimate Intimacy and it is AMAZING. But, this isn't your usual sex app. As it says on the website,

Ultimate Intimacy is the product of two Christian couples on a mission to strengthen marriages by making lovemaking fun and deepening couples’ connection and intimacy.

There isn’t anything that is gross or unseemly.

You can edit your preferences in the settings. This includes things like foreplay, oral actions, and duration of each action.

The Ultimate Intimacy app allows for the users to enter their names so the instructions say “Morgan does this…” rather than being generic. You can also set a password for the app if you have older children that often use your phone. :)

There are a TON of different sexual positions and recommendation to try and the best part is that these are done with figures, not real life people. There won’t be any concern over seeing something inappropriate or that could trigger moral purity issues for a spouse.

There are a list of topics to discuss so that the intimacy isn’t just sexual, but really getting to know your spouse. There are links to articles, resources, and gifts to help build up your marriage.

Overall, I HIGHLY recommend the Ultimate Intimacy app. It is a fun way to keep the spark burning in your marriage in a God honoring way. You can download the app here for Android and here for Apple.

I should also mention that I am not an affiliate of this website.
I don't get anything from recommending it.

We tried it and enjoyed it.
I thought there might be other spouses out there that would enjoy this neat resource.

Title Tuesday: Every Heart Restored

Welcome to  Title Tuesday, my favorite day of the week! This day is dedicated to book suggestions, news, cartoons, and reviews. I write this portion of my blog because I am a big believer in the motivational speaker Charlie Jones' quote which says, "You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I try to meet as many new people as possible and to read everything I can. This is my way of sharing that information with you. If you are interested in understanding my rating system for books you can read my Book Review Explanation here and What I Believe here. If you want to check out what I am currently reading or what I want to read next, friend me on Goodreads!

Today I want to share a book that is very dear to my heart. Every Heart Restored by Fred & Brenda Stoeker is a book that works to bring restoration to wives and focus back to marriages damaged by a husband's sexual sin.  

While the book does say that it is geared towards all sexual sin (lust, porn, emotional and physical affairs) I find that most of the information is better geared towards pornography and lust issues than affairs. If you want to see text geared specifically towards affairs, check out my review of "After a Good Man Cheats" by Caroline Madden, PhD. 

Now, back to Every Heart Restored. This book is different from other "infidelity help" books in that it really does actually help. Every Heart Restored explains the male sex drive from a biblical perspective. It helps women to see that men truly do have different needs, desires, and potential pitfalls sexually. The authors take the readers through the various things in life that can damage a man, allowing a sexual sin to slip in and take root. While these past issues do not by any means excuse the sexual sin, it can help a wife to realize that these sins of her husband's are NOT her fault.  I love that this book takes a hard line on what sexual sin is and isn't. I like that the Stoekers don't fall for the "boys will be boys, so you need to just forgive him and move on line" that is so often pushed in Christian marriage circles. 

Overall, I rate Every Heart Restored a solid A+ book. I would say that if your husband is struggling with sexual sin or if you are having a difficult time moving beyond his past sexual sins, Every Heart Restored is worth your time and energy. I would also recommend that if you are a husband that has been unable to reach your wife despite having apologized profusely this book could help you to understand the tremendous hurt that your wife is carrying and trying to overcome.

Title Tuesday: After A Good Man Cheats

Welcome to  Title Tuesday, my favorite day of the week! This day is dedicated to book suggestions, news, cartoons, and reviews. I write this portion of my blog because I am a big believer in the motivational speaker Charlie Jones' quote which says, "You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I try to meet as many new people as possible and to read everything I can. This is my way of sharing that information with you. If you are interested in understanding my rating system for books you can read my Book Review Explanation here and What I Believe here. If you want to check out what I am currently reading or what I want to read next, friend me on Goodreads!

Today, I want to tell you about a book that I really didn't expect to like. After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust &Intimacy with Your Wife by Caroline Madden, PhD. 

First of all, I love that this book is written by a woman. Many books on restoring a marriage after infidelity or sexual sin are written by men, teaching men how to essentially trick their wives into forgiving them, or at the least not divorcing them. They tend towards "you screwed up, be on your best behavior for a while and she will get off your back eventually". 

Madden doesn't take that approach at all. 

Instead, Madden talks men through the realities of the devastation that they have poured onto their wives. I need to be clear, this book is written for men that have had actual affairs (emotional or physical). This isn't a book for wives, but for husbands to better understand what they have done and how it has impacted their wives. She addresses real life conversations that need to be had, questions you should ask, as well as tangible real life steps to help your wife feel more secure in your marriage. She also gives clear and calming phrases to use to help lead the conversations in a positive manner. 

Overall, I would give After A Good Man Cheats a solid B+. I don't give it an A+ because it is a secular book and I don't agree with absolutely all of it.Madden does a great job of helping the husband to understand the deep wounds that he has caused and how best he can help his wife to heal. This would be a valuable book for any man that has committed a sexual betrayal and wants to rebuild his marriage and renew the faith of his wife.

Title Tuesday: She's Got The Wrong Guy

Welcome to  Title Tuesday, my favorite day of the week! This day is dedicated to book suggestions and reviews. I write this portion of my blog because I am a big believer in the motivational speaker Charlie Jones' quote which says, "You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I try to meet as many new people as possible and to read everything I can. This is my way of sharing that information with you. If you are interested in understanding my rating system for books you can read my Book Review Explanation here and What I Believe here. If you want to check out what I am currently reading or what I want to read next, friend me on Goodreads! With all that being said, lets jump in!

If you turn on your radio at any given time you will likely hear a woman singing about unrequited love. Many of the songs are specifically about the ways in which men have wronged women. Cheating, lying, and generally acting like a child seems to fill the airways. Secular and Christian women alike all bemoan dating the average (even Christian) man. 

Honestly it can seem a little overwhelming. 

In Deepak Reju's book She's Got the Wrong Guy, he discusses why women settle for guys that are never going to meet their needs. Reju breaks down the 10 most common types of "wrong guys" that women settle for and how to spot them. He also talks extensively about the kind of guy that Christian women should be looking for instead. The thing that really got me about She's Got the Wrong Guy is the fact that Reju does a great job of pointing the reader back to Christ. What is the ultimate goal of dating? The same goal as everything else for the follower of Christ, to glorify Him. Reju just puts it in better perspective than most.  

Overall, I give She's Got the Wrong Guy a solid A+. I think that Reju's work would be a fabulous book for a single women's Bible study group. It would also be a good book for a young woman that is about to go off to college and really enter the dating world. It might also be a good book for parents to read if they are looking to help guide their older daughters in how to approach dating. 

Let Him Love You

A friend and I were driving along highway 183 yesterday singing loudly to her iPod. 
This is not unusual behavior for me. 
Typically if I am driving I have music playing and chances are I am singing along... at the top of my lungs. The song changed on the iPod and the new one wasn't one I was familiar with. Ne-yo's silky voice filled the car with his new single, "Let Me Love You". 
At first I liked the song, it has a good beat and it is a fairly respectful song (as far as top 40 music goes). Here are the lyrics: 
Much as you blame yourself,You can't be blamed for the way that you feelHad no example of a love,That was even remotely realHow can you understandSomething that you never had?Ooh, baby, if you let me,I can help you out with all of thatGirl, let me love you,And I will love you,Until you learn to love yourselfGirl, let me love you,I know your troubleDon't be afraid,Girl, let me helpGirl, let me love you,And I will love you,Until you learn to love yourselfGirl, let me love you.

It sounds good, in theory. 
The problem is that too many girls look for this fulfillment in men. Girls always want a guy to come along and to love them without question. They want a champion. They want a guy who will defend them, sacrifice for them. 
There is a man who has done all of those things for us already. 
His name is Jesus Christ.
He loves us unconditionally. He defended us before we were born. Jesus died for our sins before we ever knew we needed Him to. He is the one man who will never let you down. Let Him love you.
Leslie Ludy says it best in her book Set-Apart Femininity (found here):  "We dream of capturing the heart of a noble prince with our stunning beauty, like the princess in our childhood fairy tales. But our longing to be loved and wooed by a heroic groom didn't originate with Cinderella--- it's actually a Biblical concept. The entire Bible is a beautiful love story between Christand His bride--- drawing us, wooing us, and loving us the way we have always dreamed." 
We want to be loved, wanted, and protected. That is natural, that is how God designed us to be. But, before you can fall in love with a man you have to fall in love with the one who gave everything for you. 
Let Him love you.