Today we are going to discuss this simple little
four-letter word.
These four letters come together to form a word that can be a
compliment (what a fine day) or to end an argument (fine!). The actual
definition of this word is: of high quality, In a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well: (And how's
the job? Oh, fine). Why am I giving a vocabulary lesson and
dedicating an entire article to one word?
This word is one of my favorites. This word is my mantra.
This word is a lie.
Life on the
stage of perfection is exhausting. I find myself physically worn out from
trying to convince everyone that I am fine. So why do I do it? Heaven forbid someone might catch me at a moment when I am less than perfect.
Matthew 5:14 says, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."
My thought process for the longest time has been, "how can I be a light for the world if I am hurting and weak?" My answer to this question was to say that I can't. Everyone has to think I am perfect. To convince myself and everyone else, I use fine. This clicks me over into “performance Morgan”. This is the version of me that I put on to let the world see. This Morgan always knows the answer in class, has a spotless house, and can balance any schedule. I have an extensive vocabulary so when I resort to using the word fine, my battery is running low. I use fine because people don't ask me further questions when I use the word fine. It is just accepted. No matter how bad things are, no matter how horrible I feel, when people ask how I am… the answer is always fine.
But what does this show to the people in my life? If I hold it all together and never let anyone see my faults, my cracks, what does that show? A fake exterior. In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily P. Freeman writes about Christian women wearing masks of perfection and the danger it poses. Saying I am fine when I am not is wearing a mask.
Fine is a lie.
This is where Christian women need to stand together. We need to make it clear to one another that it is ok to not be strong.
It is ok to have flaws, it is ok to not be perfect.
It is ok to not be fine.
This is a hard lesson..one I am still learning. Asking for help is hard and humbling! Opening up and letting God heal our hurts is worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteMichelle
http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/10/when-going-gets-tough.html
Morgan I like authentic and real and I appreciate you sharing your heart. I have been learning to echo the voice of the woman in the OT - on her way to find the prophet because her son had died. Her declaration was "it is well". In the midst of life's catastrophies I am choosing to speak God's truth about me and seeing His hand at work. Having trusted sisters to share with is vital. Vulnerability is strength! Bless you.
ReplyDeleteYou have nailed something I have struggled with for all my life...and have yet to get it right or 'let go and let God'! the scripture that comes to mind is this: "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3: 12
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Glad you are back in the link-up :-)
BTW, would you like to re-post the photo...it didn't come through apparently. Just let me know in my comments, and I will remove it so you can try again.
Thank you for sharing. We talked about this very thing at our MOPS steering team retreat this year. There is no way to build those deep friendships we all need when we wear the mask of FINE. Thanks for linking up at Thrive @ HOMe!
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that "How are you?" & "Fine" has become the same as "Hello" in our country. In Hungary (where we did Christian work)when you ask "How are you?" the Hungarians first say "Thank-you" for asking because they think you are seriously interested in their well-being. It made me realize that we don't ask for the same reason. And yes, we often say "fine" when we aren't. We are fallen, messed up, and growing in the Lord. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Gail
ReplyDeleteThat is a gooood post! Blessed my heart today!:)
ReplyDeleteYour domain is a gorgeous resource to get educative information! Do you mind if I pingback a couple of of your posts on my own portal?
ReplyDelete