More Than A Mommy....

         I am an educated, ambitious, passionate young woman…. and I want to homeschool my children.

         I recently had a very difficult conversation with a person who greatly impacted my life. This person has acted as an adviser, a friend, and a pseudo-parent when mine weren’t there.  But, this week I had a strong disagreement with him over my chosen future.

         My friends and  family who have known me the longest seem to have the greatest issue with my choice. They can’t seem to wrap their minds around this idea. Kids are still a ways off, but I thought that having these discussions might help them to understand the choices that I am making now, and why I am making them. (Like not pursing a PhD just to prove that I can.) The exact comment that was made to me was that this person “thought that I wanted more for my life than that.”

         Ouch.

         I love to be in school. There is something wonderful about researching, developing, and proving your argument.  I love to learn. Wandering around a used bookstore is one of my favorite ways to spend an afternoon.

         However, I grew up in a very broken family. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young.  We kept up the pretense of him being involved in our lives but he moved away and started a new family. Soon every other weekend turned into every other month and by the time I got to college it was once a year of every other year. My mom is in the middle of her seventh marriage. So, I didn’t have the greatest example of what a secular family is supposed to look like, much less a Christ-centered family.

         I am sort of a jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-none kind of person. I can do a little bit of everything at an acceptable level. There was no lightning bolt or burning bush that said, “ok Morgan, it is time for you to go to law/vet/medical school!” Instead I just kind of wandered along. I got my degree as fast as I could. I went to grad school because I was told I wasn’t smart enough for it. I did well at both things, but when I went to sleep at night I didn’t feel fulfilled. I was just meandering through life.

         So how did I go from wandering through life chasing worldly success to homemaker?

         After I accepted Christ as my savior I started thinking about my life purpose. Why am I here? What did God design me to do? One of my team members had me draw a figure like this one and fill in the blanks.

  

         The circles say experiences, abilities, and passion.  Experiences are the things that you have done in your life. These are the positions, opportunities, and relationships you have had. Abilities are your God given gifts; they are things that you have been trained to do and things that may just come to you naturally. Passion is what makes your heart sing? If you had a free day how would you spend it?

         So on the back of an IKEA napkin we drew this out and we started listing out the things that fit into each category. At the time, I wasn’t sure of where I was going or what I was doing so I listed everything. It was helpful for me to see it that way. So here are my answers as written:

         Experiences: after school aid , babysitter, bartender, broken home, bus boy(girl?), cater-water, daughter, dish washer, mission trip to El Salvador, nanny, personal assistant, restaurant manager, secretary, sister,  survivor, teacher, waitress.

         Abilities: a servant by nature, build lesson plans, care for multiple children at a time, detail-oriented, disciplined, gift for liberal arts (history/languages/music/art), hard worker, manage a restaurant, mix drinks, organize, structure, time management,

         Passion: If I have a free day I would want to spend it with my kids (this was when I was a nanny) or doing something productive. But if I can be totally honest, I am happiest when I am helping other people.

         Ok, so now I have a napkin covered in writing and I am no closer to knowing what I am supposed to do with my life. I put the napkin in my Bible and went about my daily business. Three weeks later my small group’s discussion was over the high calling of being a helpmeet to your husband and a mother to your children. The discussion lingered with me for days. That Sunday the sermon was on the Proverbs 31 woman and being diligent in working for your family. I got the message, loud and clear. But I couldn’t admit even to myself that God wanted me to be a homemaker.

         It wasn’t until I was talking with one of my team members that I was able to say out loud what my heart was screaming. I was sitting in her kitchen drinking tea and talking about what I was learning and studying when she looked up at me and said, “You know that there is nothing weak about admitting that you want a family, right?”

         My heart broke.

         I believe that God made me to be versatile. I will flourish in difficult situations or in the easiest of situations. There are some people who want to be doctors, when they think about it they get that rushing feeling in their chest, knowing that they are right where they belong. That is what I feel when I think about being a helpmeet for my husband and a mother to my children. I know that is what God has called me to do with my life. Sure, I could do other things and I will. But the primary purpose of my life is to raise up the next generation of godly Christians alongside my husband. So for now, I teach other people’s children. I try to model Christ-like behavior for them, and to be a light. But when the time comes, I will be ready to serve the kingdom of Christ by stepping out of the traditional “workforce” and working in my home instead.

          If you are struggling with feelings or doubt or if you are making a difference as a homemaker Check out the quote below.